He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
