i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
