p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
