I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
