If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
