Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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