if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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