Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
