life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
