we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
