we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
