There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
