I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
