I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
