Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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