She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wear drunk well.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
