I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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