he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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