arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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