now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
