im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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