Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
