Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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