you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think my moral compass just broke
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
