Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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