I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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