I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
