bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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