walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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