I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
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Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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