He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to make a zoo with you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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