She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
