theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are we still banned from the library?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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