Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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