proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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