but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
