i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
