He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your dad touched me again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
