our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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