Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boobs speak an international language.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
