I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
