Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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