Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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