Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
