I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
