if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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