Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
