I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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