I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have feelings that need drinking.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
