I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
