No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
