if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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