Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
