i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
