I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
