One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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