he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
