a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we made out on top of his cat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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