i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
