we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
