I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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