Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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