I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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