Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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