My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
